When I got out of college the first time, I got a job working at a monument company.  We made grave markers or tombstones, if you like to call them that.  It was a very interesting job.  I learned lots of useful stuff.  For instance, take a guess at the percentage of people that die within six months of their birthday.  Wives are virtually always buried on their husbands left.  Most people in our part of the world are buried “facing” east.  Do you know what you call it when you misspell someone’s name on their tombstone?  A grave mistake.  I once made a marker for a man whose middle name was Sue.  I also made one that featured a Chevrolet pick-up, a fishing rod and a can of Budweiser.

    My favorite of all time was a double marker for a husband and wife truck driving team.    The husband had died and the wife wanted something special.  She requested each marker to have a tractor trailer on it and on the side of the trailer we put the name, birth and death date.  Unfortunately, I made a mistake and put both trucks going the same direction.  We didn’t discover it until it was too late.   When the woman came to look at them, she immediately spotted the error.  My boss was pretty wily, though.  He told her, “Well, you know, he’s already gone and your still here.  He’s gone ahead, running your front door to heaven.”  The lady teared up and thought it was wonderful.  I got a little misty eyed myself.

    We had to dig a guy up one time and move him to another cemetery.  No real big deal, we put the vault on the back of the truck and took him to another town.  I say no big deal, the guy I worked with, Grady, was as nervous as a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs.  Grady also made it a point to never be in the cemetery after dark either.

    There was an old, old guy that worked there named Lemon.  Lemon mostly did yard work and general cleaning.  At one point the boss had a mule that Lemon plowed the garden with.  The boss had the lot next door and had a truck patch.  Lemon would work the mule until about four o’clock and then take him back through an aisle between the stacked monuments to his stall behind the shop.  He did this everyday and mules are pretty smart.  You could set your watch by that mule.  Four o’clock came and he would come out of the garden and be ready to head back to his stall.

    The boss had a thing for buggies.  He had one that was some kind of fancy.  It was black lacquer with fancy upholstery and big wheels that he had hand made by some guy in Arkansas.  One day the grandkids were at the shop and they wanted to ride in the buggy.  So Lemon hooked up the mule and let the boys ride up and down the driveway.  Of course you know how kids are, they didn’t want to stop so they just kept going up and down, up and down.  That is until four o’clock.  When the mule decided it was quitting time, he headed back to the stall with the buggy and boys in tow.  He went through the aisle between the stacked monuments and tore the hand made wheels right off that buggy.  There was no stopping him.  The boys were screaming, Lemon was hollering and the mule was calmly dragging the buggy-turned-sled back to his stall.

    Anyway, lots of stuff happened while I worked there and I learned a lot.  Oh yeah, in case you didn't figure it out, everybody dies within six months of their birthday.