Open Question to the Residents of Vernon Hills, IL
On March 16, 2007, did anyone in Vernon Hills come home to find an unexpected box from UPS on their porch? Inside the box did you find four pairs of plain front Dockers Khakis pants? Those are mine. By some inexplicable and obviously unperfected, technology, UPS delivered the afore described package to an undisclosed Vernon Hills, IL porch at 5:24 pm on 3/16/2007. Visiting the UPS Tracking Website I've uncovered that in the apparent, never-ending quest to outdo the competition, UPS may be tinkering with the time-space continuum.
Your search found 1 package matching your package reference criteria.
Tracking results provided by UPS: 12/12/2007 6:03 P.M. ET
You see...I only ORDERED THAT PACKAGE TWO DAYS AGO...DECEMBER 10TH, 2007!! Granted it was delivered 600 miles from the correct location but still, it was a mighty shot in the package war.
Anticipatory or "Preneed" package delivery has only been science fiction up until now. Loosely based on the premise of "Precrime" as documented in the movie 'The Minority Report', package delivery giants gather a group of Pre-Cogs (genetically altered individuals with the precognitive power to predict the need of deliveries well in advance) to route packages to consumers before the consumer realizes they require the package. Working with retailers throughout the world (who maintain credit card info on their customers), consumer goods are packaged, shipped and delivered to unsuspecting individuals in advance of actually needing the items. Thus the economy grows, corporations make plenty of money and all is right with the world. Alleluia!
So if you find a Suzanne Sommers Butt-Blaster that you didn't order on your front porch you know what you need to do! Don't send it back...GET TO WORK!
AMERICA'S CORPORATIONS...THEY'RE SMARTER THAN YOU!
| Tracking Summary |
Your search found 1 package matching your package reference criteria.
| Shipment Reference: | R37656886 |
| Shipment Type: | Package |
| Ship Date Range: | 12/08/2007 - 12/12/2007 |
|
Tracking results provided by UPS: 12/12/2007 6:03 P.M. ET
You see...I only ORDERED THAT PACKAGE TWO DAYS AGO...DECEMBER 10TH, 2007!! Granted it was delivered 600 miles from the correct location but still, it was a mighty shot in the package war.
Anticipatory or "Preneed" package delivery has only been science fiction up until now. Loosely based on the premise of "Precrime" as documented in the movie 'The Minority Report', package delivery giants gather a group of Pre-Cogs (genetically altered individuals with the precognitive power to predict the need of deliveries well in advance) to route packages to consumers before the consumer realizes they require the package. Working with retailers throughout the world (who maintain credit card info on their customers), consumer goods are packaged, shipped and delivered to unsuspecting individuals in advance of actually needing the items. Thus the economy grows, corporations make plenty of money and all is right with the world. Alleluia!
So if you find a Suzanne Sommers Butt-Blaster that you didn't order on your front porch you know what you need to do! Don't send it back...GET TO WORK!
AMERICA'S CORPORATIONS...THEY'RE SMARTER THAN YOU!
Shoulda used Fedex.
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Unfortunately I discovered that the reason my package tracked back to Vernon Hills, IL was due to lo-tech instead of hi-tech. UPS recycles their tracking numbers. They use an 18 digit number that includes one letter. I'm pretty sure they've broken the number in to pieces that give certain bits of data, but if they were to use numbers consecutively, like the first package tracking number was 1 then the next was 2 and so on, they could ship 100,000,000 packages a day every day of the year for 27,397,260 years before having to repeat one. And that's not using a letter...just numbers.
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