Lady In Red
This morning, for whatever reason, my mind wandered back to a day when I was about thirteen years old. It was a time much different than today. Entertainment was hard to come by in our small Mississippi town, so we took what we could get. Often it precariously teetered on the borderline between cultural retardation and morbid curiosity.
I remembered a big black wagon with an intriguing sign that came through town one day. I believe it said something to the effect of "The Lady In Red". I may be mistaken, but it went on to claim that she was perfectly preserved even though she had been dead for thirty years! My memory tells me the wagon resembled a big black hearse of the stage coach variety. Of course it wasn't pulled by horses, but it was definitely a relic from the bygone days of freak shows and low budget touring circuses. The wagon parked on a side street past the barber shop just southwest of the town square.
A friend and I decided early in the school day that we had to go see this perfectly preserved lady if for no other reason than cultural edification. There was a strong possibility that this would not only be culturally enlightening, but a scientifically educating event, as well. Not to mention that in our hormonally charged minds, "perfectly preserved" undoubtedly meant she was a babe! Immediately after school we headed across town where the lady awaited our critique.
As we approached we read some of the writing that placarded the sides and rear of the wagon. She had driven off into the "Great Salt Lake over thirty years ago" and was just "pulled from the waters" a couple of years back. It also had claims that her beautiful red hair and her fingernails were still growing! Wow! I remember explicitly that the entrance and exit were on the south side of the wagon. There were steps set up and an old guy sitting there taking the entrance fee of one dime. During my youth I had seen the world's largest cow and the "Bonnie and Clyde Death Car", both costing a dime to see. Comparatively speaking, this was sure to be an investment. My friend and I were the only patrons there which meant we would have time to carefully study this poor, unfortunate creature. When we climbed the steps and entered the darkness of the wagon, a display case was on the left side and a red velvet curtain on the right. In the case were large jars containing assorted mutants such as two headed sheep, two headed snakes,two headed pigs and there were various black and white photos of deformed and/or tattooed people. After a couple of steps you could see that behind the curtain was a glass covered coffin with an overhead light shining down on the contents.
Being adept at the art of nonchalance, I casually glanced at the coffin but quickly turned my attention back to the display of deformed animals. Then, when I thought I wouldn't appear too eager, I turned and looked down into the coffin. There, beneath the glass on the satin interior of the coffin, lay the most disgusting brown THING I had ever seen. There was a sparse hank of coarse red hair, slightly resembling a Yak's tail, framing a crusty brown skull. Fingernails protruded from the dark brown skin stretched taut over her bony hands. The body was nude, but there was absolutely nothing visible that triggered the flow of even one micro gram of testosterone in my system. If it had I would have put myself in therapy the very next day. I began to feel certain that I could smell the corpse through the glass. Obviously it was time to leave.
For the rest of the week I felt contaminated by some kind of brown skeletal residue that I imagined had seeped into my skin. At meal time all I could think of was that huge slab of human jerky. I didn't eat for days. I think I probably said my prayers twice every night asking not to go to hell for looking at her. I'll bet you one thing, though...the guy that toted that poor woman all over the country showing her to unsuspecting folks...he'll be sitting at the gates of hell collecting dimes for eternity.
I remembered a big black wagon with an intriguing sign that came through town one day. I believe it said something to the effect of "The Lady In Red". I may be mistaken, but it went on to claim that she was perfectly preserved even though she had been dead for thirty years! My memory tells me the wagon resembled a big black hearse of the stage coach variety. Of course it wasn't pulled by horses, but it was definitely a relic from the bygone days of freak shows and low budget touring circuses. The wagon parked on a side street past the barber shop just southwest of the town square.
A friend and I decided early in the school day that we had to go see this perfectly preserved lady if for no other reason than cultural edification. There was a strong possibility that this would not only be culturally enlightening, but a scientifically educating event, as well. Not to mention that in our hormonally charged minds, "perfectly preserved" undoubtedly meant she was a babe! Immediately after school we headed across town where the lady awaited our critique.
As we approached we read some of the writing that placarded the sides and rear of the wagon. She had driven off into the "Great Salt Lake over thirty years ago" and was just "pulled from the waters" a couple of years back. It also had claims that her beautiful red hair and her fingernails were still growing! Wow! I remember explicitly that the entrance and exit were on the south side of the wagon. There were steps set up and an old guy sitting there taking the entrance fee of one dime. During my youth I had seen the world's largest cow and the "Bonnie and Clyde Death Car", both costing a dime to see. Comparatively speaking, this was sure to be an investment. My friend and I were the only patrons there which meant we would have time to carefully study this poor, unfortunate creature. When we climbed the steps and entered the darkness of the wagon, a display case was on the left side and a red velvet curtain on the right. In the case were large jars containing assorted mutants such as two headed sheep, two headed snakes,two headed pigs and there were various black and white photos of deformed and/or tattooed people. After a couple of steps you could see that behind the curtain was a glass covered coffin with an overhead light shining down on the contents.
Being adept at the art of nonchalance, I casually glanced at the coffin but quickly turned my attention back to the display of deformed animals. Then, when I thought I wouldn't appear too eager, I turned and looked down into the coffin. There, beneath the glass on the satin interior of the coffin, lay the most disgusting brown THING I had ever seen. There was a sparse hank of coarse red hair, slightly resembling a Yak's tail, framing a crusty brown skull. Fingernails protruded from the dark brown skin stretched taut over her bony hands. The body was nude, but there was absolutely nothing visible that triggered the flow of even one micro gram of testosterone in my system. If it had I would have put myself in therapy the very next day. I began to feel certain that I could smell the corpse through the glass. Obviously it was time to leave.
For the rest of the week I felt contaminated by some kind of brown skeletal residue that I imagined had seeped into my skin. At meal time all I could think of was that huge slab of human jerky. I didn't eat for days. I think I probably said my prayers twice every night asking not to go to hell for looking at her. I'll bet you one thing, though...the guy that toted that poor woman all over the country showing her to unsuspecting folks...he'll be sitting at the gates of hell collecting dimes for eternity.
I think one of the most hilarious side-show exhibits I ever saw was at the Mid South Fair in Memphis about 20 years ago. It was the "Snake Girl" -- half human, half boa constrictor. The sheer curiousity of it was more than we could stand, so we coughed out the admission fee, which I think was $1. The Snake Girl consisted of a plaster snake about 6 feet long, had it been stretched out. It was olive green with some brown blotches painted on in various spots. I've seen better Play Doh snakes. There were numerous chipped-off places, indicating it was a well-traveled snake. The head of the snake was where the human part came into play. A young black woman wearing an olive drab hood that exposed only her face had her head poked up through a hole in the floor, right against the snake body. She was motionless and silently ignored the steady stream of gawkers, except for an occasional "ssssss." Jim, being Jim, fell out laughing when he saw her and started talking to her. He said, "I hope they at least gave you a chair!" She glanced nervously from side to side and whispered "Yessir, I got a chair...but these skeeters are eatin' me up under here!" I hope they paid her well.
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