Guilt
I'm not sure who invented guilt, but I know a number of people who have perfected it. I often find humor in things that result in me feeling guilty. Based on what I've been told over the past half century, I am, without a doubt, the holder of a one-way ticket to hell. For instance...when I was a kid one of the worst things you could do was call someone a fool. My mother told me that if you called someone a fool, "you're in danger of Hell's fire!" But then she'd turn right around and say, "Fools' names like fools' faces always appear in public places." That would keep me from carving my name on desks at school or painting my name on a bridge. I did spray paint a girl's name on a bridge one time, but that would make her the fool instead of me, right?
As far as I can figure the most important use of guilt is self-inflicted emotional blackmail. It keeps you from making jokes about people that are different than you. Really good jokes, too. What a waste. But suprisingly some people don't have this built-in capability. Once my sister, brother-in-law and I were sitting in a restaurant and this fellow with one leg shorter than the other comes walking by. He was wearing a special shoe with a sole about six inches thick. My brother-in-law took one look and said, "Now that cat's got a shoe! ". Of course my sister and I nearly choked to death. Thank goodness we weren't Catholic or we'd have been saying Hail Mary's for the rest of the meal. But my brother-in-law...well, that was just good humor.
I'm sitting here thinking about this while listening to Pandora Radio and Martina Mcbride's "Independence Day" comes on and she says, "...let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong, roll the stone away, let the guilty pay." I swear. OOPS! I forgot you're not supposed to swear.
Anyway, it seems like everything I do leaves me with that burning tinge of guilt. I'll be driving down the left lane of the freeway with some fiendish moron tailgating me like wild and I'll stay in front of them for a while, blocking their progress. Then, I'll start thinking that they are probably trying to get to the hospital before a loved one draws their final breath...and I'll feel guilty and pull out of their way. Or somebody will want me to give them $6.27 so they can buy a fan belt for their car that broke down just up the road. There's absolutely no doubt that they are a crackhead, but a few minutes later I'll start feeling guilty about it and think how horrible it would be if their story was true and I walked by. No matter how hard I try to be an ass, I always end up regretting it.
It's funny, I've worked extremely hard for a long time but that doesn't seem to matter. Whenever I see some poor misfortunate soul, that nagging little voice in my head says, "there, but for the grace of God, go I." I've got this drive inside that makes me work all the time and do my best but yet I feel guilty for not giving my full attention to my family instead. Guilt is a powerful tool. Like a Dewalt 18 volt XRP drill/driver. It will screw you up.
As far as I can figure the most important use of guilt is self-inflicted emotional blackmail. It keeps you from making jokes about people that are different than you. Really good jokes, too. What a waste. But suprisingly some people don't have this built-in capability. Once my sister, brother-in-law and I were sitting in a restaurant and this fellow with one leg shorter than the other comes walking by. He was wearing a special shoe with a sole about six inches thick. My brother-in-law took one look and said, "Now that cat's got a shoe! ". Of course my sister and I nearly choked to death. Thank goodness we weren't Catholic or we'd have been saying Hail Mary's for the rest of the meal. But my brother-in-law...well, that was just good humor.
I'm sitting here thinking about this while listening to Pandora Radio and Martina Mcbride's "Independence Day" comes on and she says, "...let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong, roll the stone away, let the guilty pay." I swear. OOPS! I forgot you're not supposed to swear.
Anyway, it seems like everything I do leaves me with that burning tinge of guilt. I'll be driving down the left lane of the freeway with some fiendish moron tailgating me like wild and I'll stay in front of them for a while, blocking their progress. Then, I'll start thinking that they are probably trying to get to the hospital before a loved one draws their final breath...and I'll feel guilty and pull out of their way. Or somebody will want me to give them $6.27 so they can buy a fan belt for their car that broke down just up the road. There's absolutely no doubt that they are a crackhead, but a few minutes later I'll start feeling guilty about it and think how horrible it would be if their story was true and I walked by. No matter how hard I try to be an ass, I always end up regretting it.
It's funny, I've worked extremely hard for a long time but that doesn't seem to matter. Whenever I see some poor misfortunate soul, that nagging little voice in my head says, "there, but for the grace of God, go I." I've got this drive inside that makes me work all the time and do my best but yet I feel guilty for not giving my full attention to my family instead. Guilt is a powerful tool. Like a Dewalt 18 volt XRP drill/driver. It will screw you up.
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