Walk a Mile in My Shoes
What's wrong with us? Why are antidepressants the most prescribed drug in the United States? How did it happen? Are some of us just "defective"? I am not a doctor and this isn't medical advice. What you are about to read is based solely on observations and opinions with a tad of research thrown in for clarity.
We all know someone that, based on our personal set of standards, we would classify as mentally ill. Of course our criteria varies; from someone on a city street ranting at the sun, to a coworker with a difference of opinion. You ask yourself, "Why are they like that? Why don't they just 'straighten up', 'move on', 'snap out of it' or 'pull themselves together'?" What you don't realize is that they are probably asking the same thing about you. Generally, who is right is based on what society considers the norm for behavior. And, as we all know, our society is changing. Our country is arguably one of the most diverse in the world today. As our cultures shift, so does the norm. You have always been able to go into the health food store and see some folks that you would consider odd. If you struck up a conversation with them you might even say they were "crazy"...under your breath, of course. Their dreadlocks, tie-died clothes, piercings, strange shoes were all a dead give away that they were, by your standards, nuts. I mean really, why would any sane person get their tongue, lips and eyebrows pierced? Who would go out in public dressed like that? For a good example of this in everyday America take a look at People of Walmart. Then read their hate mail and see how many people think that the owners of the website should be ashamed of themselves. The general reason sited is that "these people are poor". Trust me...I grew up in rural Mississippi where many people lived below the poverty line. The men didn't wear feather boas and go-go boots to the hardware store and the women didn't expose their flesh aprons and thigh cellulite at the grocery. Poor is not the problem, it is only part of the equation.
I'll bet you've seen one of the television shows about people with hoarding disorders. You know, folks that just can't part with things because of some reason most of us don't understand. We think, "Why don't they just clean once in a while?" or "they're just nasty people...no self respect...crazy." Can you imagine what it is like to feel you must make a decision about every insignificant thing you come across in your life? Thinking that the empty food containers should be reused, that the rotten lumber on the side of the road still has some value to somebody, knowing that you should recycle all those plastic bags and bottles that come into the house. Then to carry it a step further and think that because your mother gave you a bottle of water you must keep the bottle because throwing it away would actually be throwing your mother away. Or because that piece of paper has a "picture" of Jesus on it so throwing it away would be sacrilegious. Does a hoarder see themselves as a collector? What's the difference between a collection of Elvis memorabilia and a variety of green bottles if the owner sees value in it? The difference is when you allow it to affect your life. When you start secluding yourself from others because they may not understand. When you stop noticing that it's hard to walk in the spare room and just close the door. When your self imposed isolation and desire to avoid confrontation and criticism cuts you off from the world.
In our society we are reminded of the differences between liberal and conservative on a daily basis. Is tolerance a symptom or the cause of our "decaying" morality? At what point does hate take the place of tolerance? Does acceptance and understanding equate to condoning immoral behavior? What is moral? Is being wealthy immoral? Is being educated moral? Is it okay to use your education to become wealthy? Should you be allowed to get an education or do you have an entitlement to an education? Should you be forced to get an education? Do you have a right to health care or just a right to affordable health care? Should doctors be allowed to make so much money? Should ditch diggers be guaranteed a certain wage? Is socialism well intended? Is the road to hell paved with good intentions?
Research has shown that man may not have free will. This is not necessarily the same "free will" referred to in Genesis. If you know me you know that I consider myself to be a Libertarian. I think I should be allowed control of my own life. General John Stark of New Hampshire said it best when he toasted, "Live free or die: Death is not the worst of evils". We should do everything in our power to live a fruitful life. But there's a catch. Your past experience and current situation influence the choices you make. You might have to make a choice between paying rent, buying food or having a party. We all know someone that will undoubtedly choose the wrong one or, rather, the one that would be wrong for us. Emotional and physical influences, together or separately provide us with a means or reason to make decisions . If you have a chemical imbalance in your brain, you can suffer from a myriad of problems. Organic psychosis, migraines, depression, etc. Without a way to balance it, your life will be sheer misery. Maybe you can correct it, maybe not. But while you will feel the influence, others only witness the consequences. If your father beat your mother and you witnessed it, you might become a battered wife or a wife beater...or not. If your facial features are not symmetrical you are unlikely to be considered handsome or beautiful in our society. If your parents put tremendous pressure on you to be smart or God-fearing or courteous, you know the price you have paid for trying to become what they wanted. If they succeeded, others may see you as smart, God-fearing or courteous and you may see yourself as insecure, flawed and improper. Then again, others may see you as a know-it-all, religious fanatic or goody-two-shoes. Now combine some of those things. You feel insecure because you don't see yourself as being smart while others see you as a know-it-all. Absolutely nothing good comes out of that. What if you moved 1000 miles from your hometown to start a new career and life. You are educated and good at what you do, find a great job and start dating someone that you wouldn't even let yourself dream about, let alone think you would succeed in finding. Everything is going great then one day you find out that a guy you grew up with works in the same building as you. And he knows your father was an alcoholic bum who beat your mother on a regular basis. The fellow is a nice enough guy but what if he asks you "how your folks are". What does that really mean? Or he asks you to meet him for a drink, and when you do and you only drink club soda, will he remember your alcoholic father? How does all this shape your life? What are you going to do different now that you might have to deal with the situation? Does it make you feel insecure, hate your father, hate your mother for not leaving your father, hate yourself for not killing your father? Does any of it matter? How are you going to cope?
We are all individuals yet we weigh heavily in the lives of everyone around us. We don't show enough tolerance for others. We judge them by our own standards. We despise their individuality. We infringe on their rights. We demand conformity. They should be like us. Perhaps they are. Perhaps we see others as we see ourselves.
A friend of mine has a serious problem accepting that some people are gay. He says it's because he was brought up to believe it was wrong. The bible tells him it's wrong and against nature. He thinks they are going to recruit his kids and that any tolerance is condoning it. He's so adamant about it that I think there has to be more to it than just the reasons he points out. I've never believed anything that much. Whether that's good or bad remains to be seen. Another friend pointed out that my good-ole-boy attitude was going to send me to hell.
Do I believe everything I said here? Perhaps. I guess what it all comes down to is the old idiom, "Walk a mile in my shoes." Then and only then will we understand each other. But that is only understanding. You have to work out the rest of it on your own.
We all know someone that, based on our personal set of standards, we would classify as mentally ill. Of course our criteria varies; from someone on a city street ranting at the sun, to a coworker with a difference of opinion. You ask yourself, "Why are they like that? Why don't they just 'straighten up', 'move on', 'snap out of it' or 'pull themselves together'?" What you don't realize is that they are probably asking the same thing about you. Generally, who is right is based on what society considers the norm for behavior. And, as we all know, our society is changing. Our country is arguably one of the most diverse in the world today. As our cultures shift, so does the norm. You have always been able to go into the health food store and see some folks that you would consider odd. If you struck up a conversation with them you might even say they were "crazy"...under your breath, of course. Their dreadlocks, tie-died clothes, piercings, strange shoes were all a dead give away that they were, by your standards, nuts. I mean really, why would any sane person get their tongue, lips and eyebrows pierced? Who would go out in public dressed like that? For a good example of this in everyday America take a look at People of Walmart. Then read their hate mail and see how many people think that the owners of the website should be ashamed of themselves. The general reason sited is that "these people are poor". Trust me...I grew up in rural Mississippi where many people lived below the poverty line. The men didn't wear feather boas and go-go boots to the hardware store and the women didn't expose their flesh aprons and thigh cellulite at the grocery. Poor is not the problem, it is only part of the equation.
I'll bet you've seen one of the television shows about people with hoarding disorders. You know, folks that just can't part with things because of some reason most of us don't understand. We think, "Why don't they just clean once in a while?" or "they're just nasty people...no self respect...crazy." Can you imagine what it is like to feel you must make a decision about every insignificant thing you come across in your life? Thinking that the empty food containers should be reused, that the rotten lumber on the side of the road still has some value to somebody, knowing that you should recycle all those plastic bags and bottles that come into the house. Then to carry it a step further and think that because your mother gave you a bottle of water you must keep the bottle because throwing it away would actually be throwing your mother away. Or because that piece of paper has a "picture" of Jesus on it so throwing it away would be sacrilegious. Does a hoarder see themselves as a collector? What's the difference between a collection of Elvis memorabilia and a variety of green bottles if the owner sees value in it? The difference is when you allow it to affect your life. When you start secluding yourself from others because they may not understand. When you stop noticing that it's hard to walk in the spare room and just close the door. When your self imposed isolation and desire to avoid confrontation and criticism cuts you off from the world.
In our society we are reminded of the differences between liberal and conservative on a daily basis. Is tolerance a symptom or the cause of our "decaying" morality? At what point does hate take the place of tolerance? Does acceptance and understanding equate to condoning immoral behavior? What is moral? Is being wealthy immoral? Is being educated moral? Is it okay to use your education to become wealthy? Should you be allowed to get an education or do you have an entitlement to an education? Should you be forced to get an education? Do you have a right to health care or just a right to affordable health care? Should doctors be allowed to make so much money? Should ditch diggers be guaranteed a certain wage? Is socialism well intended? Is the road to hell paved with good intentions?
Research has shown that man may not have free will. This is not necessarily the same "free will" referred to in Genesis. If you know me you know that I consider myself to be a Libertarian. I think I should be allowed control of my own life. General John Stark of New Hampshire said it best when he toasted, "Live free or die: Death is not the worst of evils". We should do everything in our power to live a fruitful life. But there's a catch. Your past experience and current situation influence the choices you make. You might have to make a choice between paying rent, buying food or having a party. We all know someone that will undoubtedly choose the wrong one or, rather, the one that would be wrong for us. Emotional and physical influences, together or separately provide us with a means or reason to make decisions . If you have a chemical imbalance in your brain, you can suffer from a myriad of problems. Organic psychosis, migraines, depression, etc. Without a way to balance it, your life will be sheer misery. Maybe you can correct it, maybe not. But while you will feel the influence, others only witness the consequences. If your father beat your mother and you witnessed it, you might become a battered wife or a wife beater...or not. If your facial features are not symmetrical you are unlikely to be considered handsome or beautiful in our society. If your parents put tremendous pressure on you to be smart or God-fearing or courteous, you know the price you have paid for trying to become what they wanted. If they succeeded, others may see you as smart, God-fearing or courteous and you may see yourself as insecure, flawed and improper. Then again, others may see you as a know-it-all, religious fanatic or goody-two-shoes. Now combine some of those things. You feel insecure because you don't see yourself as being smart while others see you as a know-it-all. Absolutely nothing good comes out of that. What if you moved 1000 miles from your hometown to start a new career and life. You are educated and good at what you do, find a great job and start dating someone that you wouldn't even let yourself dream about, let alone think you would succeed in finding. Everything is going great then one day you find out that a guy you grew up with works in the same building as you. And he knows your father was an alcoholic bum who beat your mother on a regular basis. The fellow is a nice enough guy but what if he asks you "how your folks are". What does that really mean? Or he asks you to meet him for a drink, and when you do and you only drink club soda, will he remember your alcoholic father? How does all this shape your life? What are you going to do different now that you might have to deal with the situation? Does it make you feel insecure, hate your father, hate your mother for not leaving your father, hate yourself for not killing your father? Does any of it matter? How are you going to cope?
We are all individuals yet we weigh heavily in the lives of everyone around us. We don't show enough tolerance for others. We judge them by our own standards. We despise their individuality. We infringe on their rights. We demand conformity. They should be like us. Perhaps they are. Perhaps we see others as we see ourselves.
A friend of mine has a serious problem accepting that some people are gay. He says it's because he was brought up to believe it was wrong. The bible tells him it's wrong and against nature. He thinks they are going to recruit his kids and that any tolerance is condoning it. He's so adamant about it that I think there has to be more to it than just the reasons he points out. I've never believed anything that much. Whether that's good or bad remains to be seen. Another friend pointed out that my good-ole-boy attitude was going to send me to hell.
Do I believe everything I said here? Perhaps. I guess what it all comes down to is the old idiom, "Walk a mile in my shoes." Then and only then will we understand each other. But that is only understanding. You have to work out the rest of it on your own.
Rare is the person who can survive their upbringing and emerge unscathed. And then they have to deal with all the others who didn't. Good article.
Reply to this